a new direction
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. (Alfred Adler)
Life has taken a new and unexpected direction. Yes, it's the boyfriend.
This is not something I factored into the equation and it's left me with some new questions to answer. First and foremost the point of this blog.
Like a smoker biding his time to quit, I skirted around the decision to make a concerted effort to control myself. A last cigarette here, an enforced hiatus there, this time it was going to be different. Actually the smoking analogy doesn't work since I fully intend to be doing as much smoking as I possibly can for the rest of my life, metaphorically speaking. Food would have to be a better comparison: bulimia, anorexia, over-eating; pick your favourite eating disorder and then learn how to eat healthily.
In my case get a boyfriend and then rethink my attitude to sex.
I like it. Many many people do. Some don't. Others haven't had the opportunity to discover how to like it, and some people will never have the chance to try.
I have never felt as comfortable with any man as I have this one. Surely this is a good start to any sexual relationship. But this brings me to my second question: can I still remain accountable when someone else is more intimately involved?
One of the reasons I wanted to challenge myself over my behaviour was my relationship with God. For some religious people that means sex only in the context of marriage. However, convincing anyone to marry you - especially if sex is on the negotiating table - is difficult enough. The chip on my shoulder was almost screaming "pieces of eight" at passers-by when I was a post-pubescent virgin. Knowing what I was missing would add a peg-leg and an eye-patch to that particular image.
I want to have sex within a healthy and happy relationship. Some marriages can't claim to be that healthy or happy, but religious doctrine gives them the divine seal of sexual approval.
Finally to my third question: is this a healthy and happy relationship? I think so, but I am also new to this. The relationship itself is still new.
I'm still afraid of screwing this up, perhaps I always will be. Perhaps everyone in any relationship, happy or not is afraid of screwing it up. Perhaps I should let go so completely that I have no energy left to be afraid.
Life has taken a new and unexpected direction. Yes, it's the boyfriend.
This is not something I factored into the equation and it's left me with some new questions to answer. First and foremost the point of this blog.
Like a smoker biding his time to quit, I skirted around the decision to make a concerted effort to control myself. A last cigarette here, an enforced hiatus there, this time it was going to be different. Actually the smoking analogy doesn't work since I fully intend to be doing as much smoking as I possibly can for the rest of my life, metaphorically speaking. Food would have to be a better comparison: bulimia, anorexia, over-eating; pick your favourite eating disorder and then learn how to eat healthily.
In my case get a boyfriend and then rethink my attitude to sex.
I like it. Many many people do. Some don't. Others haven't had the opportunity to discover how to like it, and some people will never have the chance to try.
I have never felt as comfortable with any man as I have this one. Surely this is a good start to any sexual relationship. But this brings me to my second question: can I still remain accountable when someone else is more intimately involved?
One of the reasons I wanted to challenge myself over my behaviour was my relationship with God. For some religious people that means sex only in the context of marriage. However, convincing anyone to marry you - especially if sex is on the negotiating table - is difficult enough. The chip on my shoulder was almost screaming "pieces of eight" at passers-by when I was a post-pubescent virgin. Knowing what I was missing would add a peg-leg and an eye-patch to that particular image.
I want to have sex within a healthy and happy relationship. Some marriages can't claim to be that healthy or happy, but religious doctrine gives them the divine seal of sexual approval.
Finally to my third question: is this a healthy and happy relationship? I think so, but I am also new to this. The relationship itself is still new.
I'm still afraid of screwing this up, perhaps I always will be. Perhaps everyone in any relationship, happy or not is afraid of screwing it up. Perhaps I should let go so completely that I have no energy left to be afraid.
posted by from sychar to eternity at 17:25
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